This might be the greatest real thing I’ve ever put up.  The Associated Press is reporting that the ongoing fight against fire ants just took a turn for the better if you’re not an ant.  According to the AP researchers in Texas have perfected a way to turn the ants into ZOMBIE FIRE ANTS!!!!!!!  Apparently by delpoying the tiny parasitic phorid fly into the ecosystems of rural Texas they think they may be able to curb the one billion dollar a year fire ant problem.   The fly’s attack the ants and lay eggs inside them; when the eggs hatch, the larvae burrow into the little wee ant brains and eat them.  After two weeks of aimlessly wandering around, with their brains having been entirely consumed, their freakin’  heads fall off…and out pops a new phorid fly ready to go fuck up another ant.

Alas things aren’t quite as cool as they seem.  Apparently the flies will only curb, not wipeout the fire ants in Texas in the best case scenario, as it’ll be a decade before researchers know wether any of the 23 species of South American flies will be able to survive in Texas.  As researcher Rob Plowes put it, “it’s not an immediate silver-bullet impact “  Hmmmmm makes me wonder if Rob might be working on a deal of some sort to turn rats into wererats??  Think what you want…but before today I would have told you that zombie fire ants were fictional.  Today they’re all the rage in Texas. …I wonder if I can get a zombie ant farm?