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The internet is abuzz as nerds everywhere weigh in on their thoughts on Watchmen. I’ve really heard or read every possible criticism of the film, along with a host of complimentary reviews that range from firm affirmation that Watchmen was good, to glowing fanboy blogasms. I’ve heard every douche bag I know say that “300 was waaaay better” and I’ve heard that allot of people had trouble following it.

BUT….I’ve only heard one man step up and really talk about the elephant hiding in the corner that hangs over the head of every straight dude that went to see Watchmen this weekend. That man was Eat Sleep Geek’s own Paul Jacob, and the issue we all have on our mind but dare not speak of…Dr. Manhattan’s giant blue nerd cock.

Thanks Paul, by confronting this issue head on, you’ve given me the courage to talk about one of the most taboo subjects in the movie going world. A subject that geeks everywhere need to speak out against because it’s becoming more and more prominent in the things we love…that issue of course is Dudeity.

Don’t pretend it dosen’t bother you, and don’t pretend you don’t know what it is. Dudeity (a condition that is said to be present in any any visual medium where there is nudity, but the wiener or man ass to booby ration is higher than .75) has become more and more prominent in our movies and the time has come to make a stand. Speak out now against the spread of dudeity. So if you don’t go to see Watchmen again, good. But don’t not go because you hated how the end was changed, don’t not go because you hated the fact that Rorschach’s voice didn’t change when he didn’t have his mask on, Don’t go because Zack Snyder entirely left out the Legend of the Black Freighter. Don’t go because the time has come to make a stance against the spread of dudeity.

With so many important, generation changing decisions on the horizon, it’s easy to overlook this cause. It won’t help increase the value of your retirement package, it won’t help you get chicks, it won’t save polar bears or rain forest chinchillas. But if we let dudeity slide, if we let dudeity become the norm in our movies it will just be the beginning.

Stand up to Dr. Manhattan today, because if we tolerate Billy Crudup’s CG enhanced dangelage today who knows what tomorrow may hold. Michael Phelp’s wang on your Wheaties box? Dr. Phil’s wrinkled ballsack on your TV? Who knows, we might one day even hear the sound of Clay Aiken rubbing his man ass all over a microphone.

Hear me now Gerrard Butler and Dr. Manhattan are just the beginning…Say no to Dudeity now before it’s too late.