That’s right, in a recent interview with nockacoq.com Nintendo North America President and COO Reggie Fils Amie announced that gamers will see the true wow factor of the Wii Vitality Sensor when they clip it onto their weenies not their fingers. Fils Amie went on to say the following:

When we showed the vitality sensor at E3 this year everybody assumed that it would clip onto your finger, but nobody from Nintendo ever confirmed that the peripheral was designed to work exclusively with your finger. In fact our R&D teams designed it with wee wees in mind first; clipping it onto user fingers was an afterthought. Did you guys think we were crazy? Who the hell would want a peripheral that clips onto your finger? How would you ever use the nunchuck and wii remote at the same time? No way man… the dangle-age was where it was intended from the start. Now we never dreamed of the things this device would be capable of when we first clipped it on, but now there is literally no end to the things users can do with it clipped on to their peckers.

Reggie goes on to detail some of the crazy things users will be able to do while wearing the device and what a list it is. Super strength, x-ray vision, flight, clairvoyance, and shape shifting are just the start of what gamers will be able to do. It gets better too. The powers you will have are not exclusive to the in game experience. You really get them. Unfortunately Fils Amie was pretty clear that the technology will not work with a wireless device. Don’t let that get you down, Nintendo is planning a backpack with built in battery pack so you can take your super powers on the road with you.

When reminded that only roughly half of the poplulation have dingy doo’s Nintendo’s North American head honcho had this to offer up:

I’d heard that only men have schlongs, but my head’s so far up my ass I’ve never really seen it with my own two eyes before. Our research teams are looking into alternatives in case this rumor turns out to be true. I’m skeptical but it’s a contingency plan we need to have ready in case it’s true. We’ve actually had some very promising results when the device is shoved up the user’s nostril as well so there’s that alternative.

Well it looks like the Wii Vitality Sensor just got a whole lot more interesting.

This of course is not true. I made it up. The truth is that when people have questioned the validity of the vitality sensor as a peripheral that will enhance gaming experience all Reggie and the good folks at Nintendo have said is “You have to see it work with the software to judge it”. Interesting comment guys, if you don’t want us to judge it until we see it with software how about trying on this kooky idea. Show us the thing working with software! Somebody give Reggie Fils Amie a quick lesson on how the web works.